THE PLAYER AND THE CELE GIRL (2)

The Player and The Cele Girl (cont’d)

Is it the stress?… Is it the rush?… Should they take it slow and get to have a conversation first?… Is his mind not there?… What’s wrong with him?… Why won’t John Thomas rise up?

Although still on top of Debby, Tunde was experiencing the strangest, most bewildering moment of his entire life. Had he suddenly gone impotent? Or which active guy goes numb at the sight of a sumptuous naked woman?… Let alone lying on top of one.
Fear was steadily creeping in though he was still humping and grinding, he was hoping he was satisfying the girl enough for her not to notice his numbness.

“First time meeting for heaven’s sake!” he almost thought out loud.

Just as he was about telling Debby to hold on, his phone rang.

“I thought I told you to switch off your phone.”

“I switched it off… How come it’s ringing?”

“Yeah right. Go and pick your call.”

Right about that time, an expression of fear and frustration was clearly written all over Tunde’s face and with a sigh, he pressed the green button on his phone, to receive the most frightening call he had ever received in his entire life.

“Hello?”

“Hello baby”

“Hey! How are you?”

“I’m fine. Are you in Benin now?”

“Yeah, it was a stressful journey though.”

“I see… (Laugh)… Sorry dear.”

“Thanks. What’s funny?”

“Nothing. Don’t mind me.”

“Tell me. I insist to know” Tunde had a straight voice now.

“Ok, just wondering how come you’re in a hotel in Lag with a nice chick. Instead of in Benin with your cousin.”

The sweat that erupted from Tunde’s inside sent goose pimples all over his body. He didn’t discuss his movement with anyone. Even Debby was phone conversations during night calls in his hostel.

“I’m not in…”

“Oh! Save it pls. And why exactly are you sweating in that cool AC?… Is it because of what I said or the inactivity of your manhood?”

At this point, Tunde felt like vanishing into thin air or just opening his eyes to realize he had been dreaming but it didn’t get past that level – Wishes.

“You are not talking?… Mr. Player. See let me tell you something. You have been doing it for different girls abi? But I will show you my true colour. You think all girls are the same yeah? I will be the last girl you’ll ever cheat on. Thank your stars I changed my mind on locking your crooked thing inside her stinking public hole. Debby or what’s that her name… That useless girl. I don’t blame her sha. Let me just leave her. Bros, FYI your this thing can’t work. Let me just tell you; in fact, it will never work again. It has even tried sef. Hasn’t it? (Laugh). Player of life. Mtcheww! Why am I even wasting my credit sef? He-Goat! (Line cuts)”

For all Tunde knew, he didn’t put the phone on speaker. How the phone had gotten on speaker, he didn’t know and he didn’t care. This was a matter of life and death and whatever happened to Debby was none of his business as he scrambled for his bag. To his surprise, everything he had brought into the room was gone. Vanished!

This was getting serious. He made his way to the reception, in his birthday suit, begged for a shirt and pants and between fifteen minutes, he was on a night bus, back to school. Throughout what was the longest, most terrifying journey of his life, his hands were in the pockets of his pants, massaging his device but getting it to respond had suddenly become rocket science. It was so numb, it was only through touching it that he knew it was still attached to his body; otherwise, it was like nothing was between his thighs. Halfway through the journey was when it occurred to him that Sarah was a conk Celestial girl. The white garments, no shoes church. He had heard that these people (and their candles) were not to be messed with but he had discarded that info with a wave of his left hand.
People had asked him what he was doing with a cele girl and on one occasion, his response had been “Even if she’s a witch, I would ‘screw’ (not exactly the word used) away her witchcraft.”

Tunde got back to school around 11:45pm and went straight to the university chaplain’s office, who he was told was in his prayer room. Every attempt by the chaplain’s P.A to either know what exactly the matter of life and death was or to make him come back the next morning proved abortive. He was sweating, both palms on his head and was mumbling inaudibly. At last, around quarter past midnight, the clergy asked to see him in the prayer room and hardly had he entered that he burst into tears as he began to narrate the story of his life to the one person he was certain could pull him out of this life threatening mess.

© Mature Minds Talk.


THE PLAYER AND THE CELE GIRL

This is a true story, funny but true. Names have been changed to protect the identities of characters, so apologies if there is still any relativity to any reader. It’s purely coincidental.

The Player vs. The Cele Girl.

In the prayer room.

“So why did you leave your first girlfriend?”

“She was too possessive sir.”

“Why did you leave the second?”

“She flirts with guys a lot. All her friends are guys.”

“And the third?”

“She accuses me of cheating every time sir.”

“The fourth?”

“I never said we’re no more together. (Sob) In fact sir, please that’s exactly why I’m here.”

Tunde was a final year student in one of Nigeria’s prestigious private universities and was on his fourth babe in the school. Changing the girls was just coincidental to his level but it thrilled him sometimes when he thought of it. At least that’s what he says.
Talk about the flirtatious expert and the sleek player, Tunde never really cared what the ladies, especially the victims thought of him and like a magnet, even when a new prey is warned about him, she still goes ahead to date him… But the story was about to change.

Sarah was Tunde’s present girlfriend and they had been dating for four months. The very gentle, slim, chocolate skinned lady couldn’t hurt a fly… Judging from appearance. She was the ideal girl, wasn’t possessive, didn’t unnecessarily accuse her boyfriend of cheating even when his slip ups were really glaring, she was understanding and ready to support financially or in any way she could. Surprisingly also, Tunde was her third bf. “Unfortunate for the good girl” one would think.

“I’m not cheating on you! Ease up with your insecurities abeg!.” Tunde would bark at her whenever she brought up the topic about his lack of commitment and his inability to remain faithful. Most times, it was her who ended up apologizing and as expected, it made our guy feel cool… like a local champion.

Being faithful in a relationship is tough but nothing compared to being a player – Jaybee.

Tunde decided to visit one of his side chicks over one weekend around April last year with the story of going to check on his cousin in another private school in Benin. He would be gone for the weekend.
“Weekend looks like one month” Sarah, who couldn’t see him off to the park cos she was a bit ill, had told him on the phone.
“See you, I’ll be back before you finish gisting with your friends joor.”

Goodbyes were said and off the player went to his true destination – Lagos. It was indeed the first meeting between him and the side-chick who knew he had a girlfriend but didn’t care. They’d met on twitter, familiarized, exchanged pictures, some of which Sarah herself had deleted. Hotel arrangements had been made for the weekend and Tunde had stuffed his backpack with all sorts like a soldier going to war.

——- A couple of hours later ——–

Tunde checked out the room, let out an evil smile (like hell yeah! Let’s do this) and arranged a few stuff in the wardrobe. Just as he was about stepping into the bathroom a knock sounded on the door.

“Come on in” He said, knowing for sure who it was.

Debby opened the door with a smile on her face, in a second her handbag was on the floor as she ran into Tunde’s open arms screaming “eeeehhhhhhh!”

Before one could say “Jack Robinson”, they had started making out. Kissing, caressing, undressing, moaning and the likes were going on. Tunde was lying on Debby who was now in just her pant and bra, grinding up and down against her, torso to torso. Moans were the conversation of the moment but suddenly, Tunde jerked up like a soldier ant had bitten his groin.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing… Seems I’m stressed from the journey. Gotta take a shower.”

Tunde made his way into the bathroom with a very strange expression on his face. While he was still inside the shower, he heard his phone ring.

“Your madam is calling you.”

“Leave it. I’ll call her back.”

A few seconds later, Tunde came out of the bathroom naked. One of the strategies he uses to instill a higher level of confidence in his catch; especially the shy ones. Debby shuddered a little at the unexpected sight.
Tunde went to where Debby lay in her briefs, and sat on her laps and was about to start making out again.

“No… No…. No” Debby managed to mutter.

“What?… What is it?”

“Switch off your phone. I don’t want her disturbance”

With a smile on his face, Tunde reached out for the phone, switched it off and continued where he left off.
Temperature had risen, make out was in high tempo and both parties were moaning. One way or the other with the creativity of Tunde, they were both stark naked. He was determined to mark Debby on his register, right there and then, even if they had the whole weekend to themselves… but something was wrong.

To be continued.

Mature Minds Talk.


HUMAN VS MOBILE

FROM A HUMAN TO A MOBILE DEVICE.

The first signs of life on our planet, our ancient family tree dates back to millions of years ago. Around six to seven million years ago, according to NHM. Right there and then, we claimed our rightful position on the creation food chain (if there’s any food involved). Meaning, we almost immediately evolved from being creations to creators ourselves.
From the creation of fire to keep ourselves warm at night, to winding of tree trunks together to cross over a large river, carving out bows and arrows, making tents, making traps to kill animals and sowing animal skins to cover our nakedness and so on.

Then came the ages. The Stone Age, The Industrial Age, The Jet age, The Computer Age, Information age, and that’s putting it in a shoved summary.

At the planet’s bragging conference, bragging about the achievements of the present age, one would see us humans flexing our muscles as “Creators” ourselves, while showcasing our I.T discoveries, our computers, our holograms, our robots, our e-conferences, our digitalized spaces and our Internet. After all, we… Oh, what kind of 21st Century human being could I be, forgetting to mention “Our Smart Phones”… Yes! Our “Smart” Phones. The creation and evolution of these ones in particular have been so rapid, one would think some divine entity (for those who believe in the existence of one) was waving a wand of approval on the Technology behind it. Now, if you’re still reading, kindly read carefully from here on.

Like always, I’m surfing on the waves of being misunderstood, about to sound bizarre and before some religious chauvinist would begin repainting me in some grotesque light or worse still, charge at me in some enraged fashion, Spear in hand and blazing eyes, I only (forcefully) need a few people reading this to join me from the vintage point from which I’m thinking from.

The first Android platform, a platform initially designed for digital cameras was dated back to 2002/03 and after a slow and “snaily” impact in the tech market, HTC and Google came to the rescue and It was switched to mobile devices (HTC) and the rest is history. Around a decade ago, the word Android was a mere buzzword but today, it’s a powerful force. Designers said “It is designed to adequately meet the user’s needs and satisfy their preference”. Well guys, it hasn’t fallen far short of that. From over one million apps to choose from, to rooting, the platform has generally become the playground for tech geeks and tweak freaks.

Rooting for tech sissies is the act of gaining access to the manufacturer’s default files. This is not just any process but as usual, tech advancements are making the “dare-manufacturer” act of rooting your device something you can do from the comfort of your couch. Before I leave you in a state of confusion, when you get a sixteen gigabyte device, pre-installed apps, cache files, even boot files and co, takes up around four of the sixteen and that’s why what you meet isn’t sixteen but twelve or eleven gigabyte. Got it?
Dissatisfaction with limitations, curiosity of what’s beyond boundaries and the knack for total control definitely summed up to produce Rooting or Jail Breaking (could be rightfully/wrongfully used interchangeably).

The Human brain: The most complex, most confusing object ever known to the human race. Advanced studies on the functions and neurological communications in the brain dates back to the early 70’s and its only relieving to say no human can come up with a total explanation of how this device works… except of course whoever put it there.
From when you were born as a bouncing baby, actions like breathing, crying, sleeping, peeing and later on as you get older, lying, covering yourself, knowing some sensations come from your downstairs and so on are some of those you need nobody to teach you how to go about doing them. I refer to these ones as pre-installed apps. Now, without trying to drag you back to the brain’s ten percent myth, I won’t put my tongue in my cheek to say that we either aren’t using the totality of our brains or if we’re using it as Dr. Barry Gordon claims, then we definitely don’t know how most of it works.

Sometimes, just sometimes one would feel this device we carry all around upstairs is some sort of means of the ‘creator’ to bully us and/or send us on a fool’s errand. An errand some neurosurgeons has embarked on and came back, shoulders hanging with tail between their legs. Knowing humans as the curios species and the ever inquisitive ones, one would laugh at the absurd feeling that one thing the mobile device has over humans is the ability of total access. Even the iPhone’s iOS has not been left out from being jailbroken but this mysterious funny looking membrane in your head, weighing just about three pounds and managing just two percent of your total body weight can’t be rooted? Why? Are we yet to hit the technological eureka?

Apologies for making reference to movies like “Limitless” and the box office breaker “Lucy” claiming we make use of just a minute part of our brains. Of course that’s just what they are ‘Movies’ but at least their cock-and-bull stories were well cooked and made a spectacle for our eyes. We are neither scientists nor neurosurgeons so we aren’t to blame when stuffs like that get to us. The main question for the explanation of this confusion should be directed to the ‘creator’.

If we’re indeed using all we’re given, why then do we understand so little about this ‘unrootable’ device?

If we’re indeed using ten percent of what we’re given, what are supposed to do with what’s left?

Cheers to those who push day in, night out to discover the non-understandable wiring and functioning technique of our brains. We, lame men would all be waiting to receive you guys with open arms when you finally come up with a new gist. Meanwhile, philosophical tech savvy geeks would continue to cast a side eye of envy at our rooted android and jailbroken iOS creations, wishing we could just get ourselves done and over with – if that ever came out right.

“Don’t lie, you wish you had that drug in limitless and the blue cocktail in Lucy.”

To confirm your fears, thanks to the creator or manufacturer of the hundred billion neurological sophisticated gadgets, we might never know what it would be like to have total access to the restricted, yet to be understood areas of “The Membrane Of Neurons.”