THE EX FACTOR #30

 “…and so the dominoes begin to fall the very moment you peeped out of your mum’s vagina. You probably might not be reading this, had you been born an hour later.”

I read over what I just typed again to see if it was error free and I could go back to what I was doing. What exactly was I doing? Packing my things and taking a break from the whole drama in this concrete jungle cos sincerely, it was needed.
Mum had attempted coming over to Lagos but I insisted travelling down south to see her. I had used that as the much needed alibi to travel and I had announced it to all my ‘friends’ at the welcome home or was it welcome back party they called the little merrying we had a couple of days ago?
I sat back in my chair, threw my head back over it and let out a deep thoughtful sigh.
“How could she?” I thought to myself. “How could Kate go as far as murder to get ‘the man of her dreams’?… How did she even know Tunde was her ideal man?… Well, I’m not in her dreams though but in every way I had tried looking at it, it has never looked right. That would be the lost classified file that would never be heard from me as far as this whole brain disturbing saga was concerned. I felt very sorry for June. We only know those who we are watching. We never can tell who’s watching us. Be fast to make acquaintances but really slow to make friends. That’s the word for June cos I’m sure she’ll slit Kate’s throat without batting an eyelid if she ever gets to know what Kate did to her.
At times, I just wouldn’t know exactly what to think of the turn of events ever since ‘Believe’ told me at that bar about the arrival of June, his uni days love and the sudden increase of Titi towards me, also her uni days love. Their relationship should definitely win or vy for an award in the top twenty most complicated relationship. I wouldn’t blame Titi that much, cos obviously, she thought the only way to get back at her fiancé who thought he was a smooth criminal was by getting involved in the same crime… with me. It was not going to work though, thanks to my self-control.
But what if Dave hadn’t gotten down with June and there hadn’t been anything scandal on ground, compounded by the fact that June was carrying Believe’s love child? Would that have made this whole story less twisted and complicated than it was? Or had I given in to Titi’s advancements and Dorothy’s dad hadn’t showed up when he did. Would that had made this whole story more twisted and complicated? 
The decisions we make today not only affect tomorrow. They can end up shaping what one’s future looks exactly like and make or mar that future. That’s the power of decisions.
I stood up from my workstation and made my way to the room, stopped at the doorway and looked at my two packed bags.
“Why do I feel like I’m running away from something? And what exactly am I even running away from?”
I guess I’m running from the smoke of the drama, the unending effort to keep everything together instead of falling apart. The unavoidable fix it Felix character who keeps trying to get everything fixed and making some thought provoking decisions. I could fix everyone’s relationship issues but my own. Everyone was back to their normal lives, settled in their spouse’s nest except me. What does that tell me? I need some lone time? Yeah, exactly.
And if that wasn’t enough, my wrecked car I saw a few days ago confirmed to me that you should rid yourself of everything that would keep plaguing your mind, irrespective of where you are and what you’re doing. Those issues would always keep your mind busy and you can only afford that luxury if you can afford a driver and drown away in thoughts at the owner’s corner before you endanger your life and the lucky ones that happen to choose to have the ride with you.
My phone rang.
“Hey Kate what’s going on?”
Kate did not reply and someone sobbing and sniffing at the other end of the line was all could hear.
“Are you alright Kate?… Can you hear me?”
“Yea… I can hear you. I… I thought about what you told me in the car the day I was bringing you home from the hospital and to be honest with you, my conscience is pricking me pretty badly. I even feel like a husband snatcher just like you said and there’s no one else to talk to. That’s why I’m calling. I’m sorry Jay. I know what I did was very stupid and can’t be heard of.”
I removed my phone from my left ear, looked at the screen and returned it back. I was a bit confused at why Kate was telling me she was sorry when I’m not the one she offended but I know that feeling when you’ve gravely offended someone and you think apologizing to someone else is going to ease the weight of the guilt you feel. It actually works sometimes and at times, it’s just a waste of time.
“I think you should call June and talk to her. Beg her, apologize to her and hope she finds a space in her heart to forgive you. That’s all I can say.”
“No please don’t!” Kate quickly cut in. “Don’t even think about it. I’m dead if June ever gets to know about this. And I beg you in the name of God. Don’t try to fix this for me and don’t forget you gave me your word not to tell anyone about this.”
“And I won’t but please don’t call me about this issue ever again. I don’t wanna hear anything about it. alright?”
“Ok sir. Take care and have a safe flight.”
“Thanks.”
If June would ever know what Kate did so she could choose her desired form of revenge, only time would tell. If Dave would ever know what Kate did so he could choose his desired form of appreciation, only time would tell. But like they always say, there are always two sides to a story. There’s always the one dying as a result of the war, and there’s always one political idiot, feeding off the war. That’s life and one of its multifaceted appearances. I had given Kate my word and won’t go back on it. so if anyone was gonna hear about Kate’s secret of being the Mother Nature we so very often talked about and appreciated for giving Believe a second chance, it would be from Kate herself but as for me, I think I’ve had enough of this already.
The best advice anyone could give me was the one Kate herself did give me. Any attempt to try to clean up her mess would not only drag me further down the tunnel but would also reveal that the whole tunnel is not a straight one but a maze where you almost can’t get out without the rippers catching up with you. I need to use my head.
I need not feel bad about Lizzy and Dorothy which almost would’ve been my only glitch but I had better be happy that I had not taken Lizzy home to meet my ‘no-nonsense’ mum after which her baby papa then shows up. Mum would’ve frustrated me to death with that scenario and painted a very ugly picture of the whole thing even though she wasn’t there. She does a very pretty job with the mixture of both her sense of humour and her sarcasm. Although I couldn’t deny that I loved both mother and daughter, I wasn’t the kind of person to put up a fight over something I want which is already owned by someone else. I’d do better to be part of their history than hurt everyone, myself especially with the happy turned sour memories. I know better than that.
3 hours later, I was seated quietly in my seat in the aircraft, gently comforted that my thoughts here would in no way endanger anyone’s life including mine. I let out a wry smile as my phone rang.
“Hello mum”
“How are you?”
“I’m fine. I’m inside the plane already. I should be home in about an hour and half.”
“Alright. Have you prayed?”
“Yes I have.”
“Safe journey my boy”
“Thanks mum.” I chuckled and shook my head. Shout out to every mum out there, all over the world.
With the announcement of the airline’s departure and the instruction for seatbelts to be fastened, I bid a good farewell to all the escapades of the last couple of months, how one event had led to ten others and cementing the fact that life itself is a stack of dominoes and that statement ‘one thing led to another’ being the briefest definintion of life in its totality. The very moment you win the race amongst the one million sperms shot into your mum’s fertility industry or reproductive region… and so the dominoes begin to fall the very moment you peeped out of your mum’s vagina. You probably might not be reading this, had you been born an hour later.”
Who will heal the doctor, teach the teacher and who will make the comedian laugh?… because we all need fixing.
Mature Minds Talk.
The Ex Factor episodes #1 to #30 are all the imaginative work of the writer Elijah Jaybee (@Jaybee_Twhy). Any correlation to events or description of any person living or dead is purely coincidental. Thank you.
T.E.F © 2014

THE EX FACTOR #29

Little drops of water make a mighty ocean. Little gathering of steps make a long journey. Little collection of mistakes make…?
The gentility of the evening breeze and the fluent flow with which it subtly caressed my face was really relieving but the relieve couldn’t be compared to the fact that in a few minutes I’m going to be leaving this hospital ward that nearly turned to the graveyard of my character except for the stunt I pulled, just in the nick of time.

I couldn’t but remember how a couple of days ago would have called time on the respect and regard my peeps had for me, even affecting the faith they had in me. But was Kate seriously about to divulge that part of this insane story to everyone?… So she would’ve told her boyfriend that we planned to make it look like she impregnated June and manipulated him into taking responsibility. He mustn’t know… or not yet, if there’s no time he won’t know. Yes!… Not yet.
I grabbed my phone.
“Hello?”
“Hi Jay, how are you?”
“I’m fine. Just said I should say thanks to you and your husband for showing up at the hospital. I really appreciate.”
“Husband?!” Lizzy laughed. “Jay, you won’t kill me. Well, you can say thanks to our faces. How about that?”
“Nah!… I honestly don’t think I’ll be driving through your route in a long time.”
“I understand, but you wouldn’t need to cos we’ve already entered the hospital. We should be in your ward in less than five minutes.”
“Okay, better. See you.”
Three minutes later, Lizzy, Tammy and Lizzy’s Fiancé entered the ward, where I sat quietly on the window side chair, staring directly at the door like some unseen beings were having a party there.
“Uncle Jay!” Tammy snatched her hand from her dad’s and ran all the way across the room into my outstretched arms. Which kind of made her dad look a bit embarrassed.
“How are you dearie?” I curled her up in my chest, kissed her forehead, and sat her down on my left lap before looking up to meet the gaze of the two adults staring.
“I’m fine. I’ve missed you”
“Aww!… I’ve missed you more sweetie.”
I greeted Lizzy, shook hands with Dorothy’s dad and started a conversation before it again occurred to me ask any of the two what happened to me the other day if anyone had any answer whatsoever.
“Liz! Do you have any idea how I got here?… I mean from driving in my car to lying down in a hospital bed. It’s crazy right?
For reasons unknown to me, Lizzy looked at me like I had just asked her if I could go home with Dorothy. She drew out her handkerchief from the right pocket of her jean and dabbed her wet eyes. She looked at me straight in the eyeball for around half a minute before she finally found her voice.
“You nearly got yourself killed Jay. You ran into a truck from behind. Road safety personnel who helped rushing you here said if the truck had been oncoming, it would’ve been another story entirely. They couldn’t even hold the truck driver for any offense since it was you who ran into him.” She sniffed, wiped her nose and continued. “You were lost in thought and probably just forgot you were even driving. You made me feel very bad about everything that happened that day. If you had died that day, it would’ve taken me a very long time to forgive myself cos I would’ve felt I had something to do with it and it also would’ve taken a lot of persuasion and convincing talks to make me feel otherwise.”
The way Lizzy bluntly said what she just did made my heart skip a bit. If I had ‘died’ damn! That was really deep and mind pricking. If I had ‘died’ like I was a chicken or a mosquito who ran out of luck. If I had ‘died’… well, thank God I didn’t die. But truth be told, I was indeed carried away that day. I’m quite a sore loser and I felt like I had lost that day. I felt a bit betrayed and all my plans for Liz and Dorothy just flew out of the window. But I didn’t get so carried away as to run behind a truck. I can’t even remember driving behind any truck but that’s plain history now. Again, thank God I didn’t die.
“Promise me you’ll never allow anything to occupy your mind while you’re driving ever again.”
“I won’t”
“No!… Promise me!… be it work, relationship, worries, anything. And anytime you’re about being engrossed with any thought while driving, you’ll always remember you made me a promise. Even if we’re not in contact anymore, Promise me Jay!”
“I promise.” I replied with an amount of soberness, looking at the floor tiles.
“When is Dave coming to pick you?” Lizzy asked.
“Any moment from now, I guess he’ll show up. I’ll call him to know when he’ll be here and where exactly he is.
The three of them kept my company for around half an hour before they called it a day. They took pictures with me and Lizzy called them reference pictures for my forum. I cracked a few jokes, Tammy did some indoor run around and Lizzy’s fiancé was the photographer of the day. In general, the day was fun and I was reveling in the just concluded event when my phone rang.
“Hey!”
“Whatsup Jay?… How are you feeling?”
“I’m good.”
“I’m on my way to pick you up. Dave called me, said he has some impromptu errands to run and that I should help in picking you from the hospital.”
“I was just about calling him now. Where exactly are you?”
“Just past Spectranet office. I’ll soon be with you. Alright?
“Alright. Please hurry. I’ve overstayed my welcome here and the smell of the whole place is beginning to disgust me.”
“Yes sir.”
Half an hour later, I was done with settling my bills, clearing myself; I had a shower and a change of clothes, then Kate helped me find my way to her car, parked not far from the facility’s main entrance.
“Thanks Kate” I said as she drove me home.
“You’re welcome” She replied without turning her head.
The silence that prevailed for the next few minutes was very disturbing and it was like we knew what each other wanted to talk about, we just didn’t want to talk about it.
Five minutes later, I shrugged of the awkwardness the discussion was going to cause and decided to talk.
“Were you really going to confess about what I thought you were gonna confess about before I spoke up?”
Kate turned, looked straight at me for around three seconds and faced the road.
“What exactly were you thinking I was gonna confess about?”
“I was thinking you were gonna confess about I, June and David’s plan to make Tunde, the etisalat guy who’s now your boyfriend…”
“Fiancé” Kate quickly cut in.
“Okay, your fiancé asking June out to finally have his way and make him believe he’s responsible for June’s pregnancy. That was the plan before nature smiled on Dave if we could call it that and she suffered her miscarriage, leading to the change of plans and you guys getting along and the level you are in your relationship now.”
“Well, that part kind of skipped my mind.”
“You mean that wasn’t what you were going to confess about?”
“Nope!”
I felt a bit stupid. So I just wasted my calculations and energy to pull off that throat defying stunt. So that wasn’t even what she was going to talk about. Imagine the fear that gripped me when she was about talking. But wait!… if that wasn’t what she was going to confess about, what is?
“Then what were you about confessing?” I asked making a face like I didn’t believe that wasn’t what she was going to talk about although I totally believed her.
“Nature didn’t smile on Dave. I felt a strong connection between Tunde and I, the very first time we spoke and suddenly felt the need to protect him and guide him out of harm’s way”
“What exactly are you trying to say?” I asked in disbelief.
“Nature didn’t make June suffer a miscarriage. I did!”
My jaw dropped.
Everything is fair in love and war. Except one is fought with the head, while the other is fought with the heart
Mature Minds Talk.

NERDS AND BRACES

Hello everyone, hope you’re good?
Lets quickly dissect, dismember and disintegrate the topic up there… Lol! (Just trying to be vocab nerd lord!)

So who is a NERD?

Nerd (adjective: nerdy) is a descriptive term, often used pejoratively, indicating that a person is overly intellectual, obsessive, or socially impaired. They may spend inordinate amounts of time on unpopular, obscure, or non-mainstream activities, which are generally either highly technical or relating to topics of fiction or fantasy, to the exclusion of more mainstream activities.
Additionally, many nerds are described as being shy, quirky, and unattractive, and may have difficulty participating in, or even following, sports. Though originally derogatory, “Nerd” is a stereotypical term, but as with other pejoratives, it has been reclaimed and redefined by some as a term of pride and group identity.

Personality and physical appearance

Stereotypical nerds are commonly seen as intelligent but socially and physically awkward. They would typically be perceived as either lacking confidence or being indifferent or oblivious to the negative perceptions held of them by others, with the result that they become frequent objects of scorn, ridicule, bullying, and social isolation. However, many nerds may eventually find a group of similar people to associate with.

Because of the nerd stereotype, many smart people are often thought of as nerdy. This belief can be harmful, as it can cause high school students to “switch off their lights” out of fear of being branded as one of them, and cause otherwise appealing people to be nerdy simply for their intellect. It was once thought that intellectuals were nerdy because they were envied. However, Paul Graham stated in his essay, “Why Nerds are Unpopular”, that intellect is neutral, meaning that you are neither loved or despised for it. He also states that it is only the correlation that makes smart teens automatically seem nerdy, and that a nerd is someone that is not socially adept enough. Additionally, he says that the reason why many smart kids are unpopular is that they “don’t have time for the activities required for popularity.”

Stereotypical “nerd” appearance includes very large glasses, braces, severe acne and pants highly lifted up. In the media, many nerds are white males, portrayed as being physically unfit, either overweight or very thin. It has been suggested by some, that being a nerd may be a state of being “hyperwhite” and rejecting African-American culture and slang that “cool” white children use. However, after a few deeper observations, nerds have been seen in all races and colors as well as more recently being a frequent young Asian or Indian male stereotype.

Portrayal of “nerd girls”, in films such as She’s Out of Control, Welcome to the Dollhouse and She’s All That depicts that smart but nerdy women might suffer later in life if they do not focus on improving their physical attractiveness.

A 2010 study indicated that Asian Americans are perceived as most likely to be nerds, followed by White Americans, while non-White Hispanics and Black Americans were perceived as least likely to be nerds.
This stereotype may be socially damaging due to exclusion. Among Whites, Jews are perceived as the nerdiest and are stereotyped in similar ways to Asians.

Thanks to wiki, that’s all I can put here on Nerds. Well, I’ve sometimes been shot the ‘N’ word myself but in all the scenarios, I’ve had to laugh about it cos I know I might be close, but I’m not a nerd… probably with some measures, not even close. (Recent one is some peeps saying I use my data plan to watch CNN. Whatever that’s means- Speak of Nerds and braces.)

The point I’ll finally drive home is: If you need a very intelligent partner, you might want to overlook physical appearance… and if you want a very attractive spouse, you might want to overlook spectacular intelligence.

Mother Nature and her very many ways of laughing at us though.

Well, less I forget. If you need both intelligence and physical appearance check me out in ‘The Team’ page. Lol! *Covers face*

If you’ve ever been Nerd branded or bullied, you could also share your experience.

Thanks everyone. See you guys later.

Mature Minds Talk.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SOMEONE SPECIAL

Happy Birthday to someone very special.

Times and seasons goes by fast but not fast enough to forget your special day boo. I could still remember our conversation over the phone a couple of months ago when I was racking my brain over the name to choose for my site. Lol!… At last we eureka-ed Mature Minds Talk and guess what?
Over twelve thousand people have come across that name.
You’ve always been a spinal line for me and in everything you’ve supported me like a sworn duty. Nobody can take your space in my heart cos you took a sharpey and engraved your initials in there and even though I can’t do too much in saying Happy Birthday, I’ll humbly ask that you find time out of your busy schedule to take this little poem and enjoy it. Thanks!

its your birthday today
happy birthday to you i say
may your years be long for you this i pray
may your joy never stop today and everyday
may your tears turn to cheers this i also pray
happy birthday

its your day once again
happy birthday to you i say again
all that you’ve lost may you regain
God’s glory on you may it remain
the enemies of you may God detain
happy birthday i say again
cheers

top of the world cheers to you
happy birthday to you
with love and care i send this to you
many happy returns i also wish you
the best of God may God give you
happy birthday Zee, cheers

God will continue take you from strength to strength, victory to victory, glory to glory, breakthrough to breakthrough and your source of creativity will never run dry. (Cos you’re one of the most creative people I’ve met.)

Mature Minds Talk.


THE EX FACTOR #28

Listen to the voice of your heart. Mother Nature gives tells gives it a sign when she wants to make a joke out of you.

“…and I can’t lie I was happy when I heard the news of her miscarriage. Although a part of me felt very sorry for her, I still felt like I was being naturally given a second chance by Mother Nature.
To show my sympathy and concern, I called her and we’ve spoken around two to three times after that. She said she’s moving on with her life and she has nothing against me and I can also move on with mine, since there are no interlocking paths anymore. Well, asides that, I must confess that… errr…. Ok! I wanted to advice Jay against dating Lizzy once cos I didn’t buy the idea of him dating a single mum. No offence intended.”
Lizzy gave a slight nod.
“Asides that, I don’t think there’s anything else. Thanks guys.”
I resumed breathing after holding up for around five minutes or thereabout, just so I could faint if Dave mistakenly dropped the drop.
If I was asked who was more likely to spill the fact we conspired against our confession MC, I’ll say Dave cos asides the fact that it was his idea, he was more detailed into it and it could have easily slipped Kate’s mind and not the Albert Einstein behind the plot but I’m too smart for nature and it sense of humour. It slipped Dave’s mind means nature is about coming at me from the less likely angle and I could just let that happen. I knew I had to do something but I couldn’t possibly know what.
I was the Sacred Dove and the selfless hero in this whole story and now, I was about getting dragged into the scandal. I’ve escaped Dave’s loophole but I’m not sure about Kate’s and if it’s falling into any loophole, I would gladly choose Dave’s loophole.
“Who’s next?” Tunde asked, looking directly at Kate with a smile on his face.
“Ok, I guess I’m the last man standing or woman if you all would prefer.” Kate looked around and everybody paid rapt attention like she had a reason for talking last.
I opened my eyes slightly.
“Errr…where do I start from?… I don’t really have much to say but I hope nobody in this room would take offence at whatever it is I’ve said when I’m through saying it. Agreed guys?
Everyone nodded amidst murmurs.
“Ok, I Hope no one confirms this from Jay when he wakes up but I used to be called Jealous K. just cos I had an enormous crush on him and I was so envious of his relationship with Titi and I gave myself the take it or break it assignment.”
Kate looked at Titi and she replied with a slight nod and a smile.
“I began sending silly texts and threats but I respect this lady standing here. She didn’t allow it get to her and when she eventually caught me and my senseless pranks, I didn’t owe her more than a slap.”
Everyone chuckled.
“I need to confess that right from the time I saw Jay again in church after so many years, I still had a slight and I mean very slight crush on him but I didn’t allow myself to fantasize like I did back then but who can blame me?… Look at him lying there, isn’t this man attractive?”
Everyone chuckled again.
No one knew my eyes were not fully closed and the look on Tunde’s face nearly made me laugh. He was looking so embarrassed like a kid who got a knock for saying something silly.
“Then I want to say from the very first time I got involved in this whole saga, I knew I was doing it to save Titi’s relationship and I’ve spent time, money and energy without ever thinking of it twice cos I never had a grudge and I always felt like helping you straighten out your present relationship was a way of evening the score since I felt I owed you one.”
Titi pulled out her handkerchief and took it straight to her eyes.
“Well, I’m sorry babes but I also must confess I put a bit a more energy into the mission I tagged ‘mission save the day’ with the hope of warming back my way into Jay’s heart… but all that thoughts vanished the very moment I laid my eyes on this vibrant, young, gentle and handsome dude standing right here.”
Everyone applauded quietly and I felt like twisting Kate’s ears for making every single qualification she used for Tunde sound like those were things I was not. I’m sure I’m vibrant. Young? I guess. Gentle? Sure thing. Handsome? I’ll leave that in the middle for any debater to pick up as the topic for the next debate.
The deeper and more interesting Kate’s confession, the faster my heart beat and the more I knew I had to stop her. I kept on racking and devising a plan in my head but I wouldn’t lie about wanting to hear a bit of what Kate had to say. One way or the other, I was going to stop her once she gets to the river bank. I can’t afford getting exposed and losing the respect I had from these people in the room. Just then, a plan popped up.
“I must also confess that as part of the investigation, I became friends with June and made her trust me. That’s wasn’t that hard since I could make friends easily. But if I hadn’t, I wouldn’t have met Tunde. I also acted as the informant and agent or whatever you might wanna call it. I supplied the information and gave regular updates to Jay, my mission commandant.”
Everyone chuckled again, clearly enjoying Kate’s confession session and already engrossed with the way she went about it. I was on the edge of carrying out my plan, I only pray I get my timing right unless, I’ll ruin the whole thing.
“Mission Commander indeed. Jay, The geeky commandant” Doc FM said looking at me to confirm I was asleep and didn’t it hear that.
“I think I should also confess that… Wait! Can I say this without even knowing if he’s awake cos I can’t say this twice and I’ll like him to hear it.”
“I’m sure he’s hearing us. He just can’t respond. At least he gave us a sign to ahead with this confession and here we are. So yes dear, you can continue and I’m sure he’s listening.
“You’re sure?” Kate asked looking at my face
“Yes dear, I’m sure.” Tunde nodded
“This is it!… It’s now or never!… I must act now or forever be looked at as the master in conspiracy. The stigma wouldn’t be on Dave cos he only came up with an idea I could easily have rejected then but instead, it was I who called the shot and gave the mission a go.” I thought and I wondered how 
they couldn’t notice the beating of my heart through the white sheet.
“I must confess that Jay, I and…”
“Sorry for interrupting you meeting ladies and gentlemen, but the doctor would a few minutes with the patient…” A light skinned nurse spoke, just as she opened the door and walked towards me with a slight smile playing across her lips. “…After which you guys can come back and continue. Sorry for cutting you short.”
Like students done with morning assembly, eight people filled out of my ward to my greatest relief ever. I’ve breath such deep sigh of relief in my entire life. This must be an angel in form of a nurse and if she’s truly a human nurse, then I owe her one for her perfect timing and being the unknown hero who probably just saved the day. This nurse just diffused a bomb without even knowing it. 
Incredible!
Few moments later, the doctor walked in and came straight for my face. Pulled up my left eyelid with one hand, and flashed a straight disturbing light into the eye with the other hand.
He repeated the process for the second eye and stood up.
“This man should be ready for discharge in two days alright?”
“Yes sir!” The nurse replied quickly.
He bent back down, opened my mouth slightly and squeezed a liquid that tasted like a mixture of pee and yoghourt. After the third squeeze, I had no choice but to swallow and I could say that was my first swallow since God knows when. My throat burned a little and it had the effect of peeling off the canvas tightening mechanism of a shoe.
 I coughed a bit, the nurse wiped the rest of the liquid I spilled out in the process and looked at the doctor who was busy looking at me like I was some specimen.
“Keep an eye on him and let me see your report on his progress alright?”
“Yes sir!”
They both marched out and I hoped to God the topic of these people coming back inside would be about my health. Why did I even tell them to confess about anything in the first place? I hope they’ll talk about what the doc came to do or what effect it has had on me. As everyone took their various positions, I hope they’ll want to see if I could now talk, sit up and the likes.
But instead they just took their exact positions before they went out and adjusted to continue.
“Goddamnit!… Let’s do this” I thought.
“So where was I before the nurse came in?” Kate asked.
“The confession you wanted to confirm if Jay’s awake for.” Tunde replied.
“Ok… So, as part of the mission in quote, I…”
“Dave?” I called with the highest level of endurance and strength, ignoring the pain and determined the cut Kate short.
Everyone turned in utter shock!
There has not been any great mind that has ever existed without a touch of insanity.
Mature Minds Talk.

‘UNDERWEAR BANDIT’ GETS POLICE WARNING

Alaska State Troopers are urging Kodiak residents to lock their doors to protect from an “underwear bandit” targeting women’s drawers.
Troopers issued a dispatch on Wednesday informing Kodiak residents of numerous reports of burglaries involving “various items such as women’s underwear” being “stolen or rifled through.”

“While investigating these crimes, AST has also learned that other citizens of Kodiak have encountered similar events in the recent months, however, they were not reported to law enforcement. Alaska State Troopers are reminding the public not to leave their homes unsecured and to be vigilant of their surroundings, especially during the early and late morning hours, and to report any suspicious activity.”
Kodiak resident Hannah Clark said she was repeatedly targeted by the thief while she was out fishing during the summer.
“I can’t believe there is an actual underwear bandit,” she told KMXT-FM.
Audrey Buie said in a comment on KTUU-TV’s Facebook page she was also targeted while visiting a friend in Kodiak.
“Whoever this perv is, stole all mine, and my friend Macie’s underwear in one day,” Buie wrote. 
“While I was visiting, she picked me up from the airport, we dropped my suitcase off at her house, she was changing and noticed all her underwear was gone. We came back 30 minutes later and my suitcase was opened and all of mine were gone too! CREEP!”
What would you do if every time you do your laundry, you briefs gets missing?… That’s creepy right?
Beware of physical and spiritual PANTY RAIDERS!!!… Lol!
Mature Minds Talk.
Culled from: UPI

I’M GETTING MENTAL HELP – LUIS SUAREZ

The 27-year-old is taking his anger issues seriously and has sought specialist help in a bid to ensure the red mist never descends again
Barcelona star Luis Suarez has revealed how he is receiving psychological help in a bid to overcome the anger problems that have seen him suspended twice in 15 months for biting opposition players.

The Uruguay international’s most recent offence occurred during the World Cup, where he was caught sinking his teeth into Italy defender Giorgio Chiellini’s shoulder.
That incident saw him handed a four-month suspension from all football, after he had been banned for 10 games for doing the same thing to Chelsea defender Branislav Ivanovic in a Premier League match against Chelsea in April 2013.
Now a Barca player following his summer move from Liverpool, the 27-year-old is keen to prove that he is a changed man by talking about the steps he has taken to banish his disciplinary problems once and for all.
He told El Observador: “After the suspension I had some really hard times. I’m getting psychological help and the club have been a constant support.”
As he moved ever closer to his return to football against Real Madrid on October 25, Suarez was also accused of being fat by sections of the press, but he has now spoken out against those who questioned his fitness.
“I was never overweight,” he added. “It was just as Luis Enrique said on one occasion: ‘Tell me when you see Luis Suárez thin’. The doctor who carries out the medicals at the club said that I was one of the six players at Barcelona who had the lowest percentage of fat and lowest weight. It was all part of the newspapers’ game.”
His inability to control his temper has seemingly been the factor behind Suarez’s omission from the list of candidates for this year’s Ballon d’Or, but rather than protest against the snub, the former Ajax man is remaining philosophical, while targeting his first league goals for his new club.
“I’m sure I haven’t been nominated because of what I did at the World Cup,” he said. “But in that case, they should take into account all those who did nothing at the World Cup. It hurts you, because I did a lot of things at Liverpool last year. But in football there’s always another chance. It’ll come.”
“I’m not worried. If I don’t score goals and we win, I’ll be happy all the same. I really want to celebrate a goal in the shirt of the team I’ve always dreamed of – but we all have droughts.”
With that said, I think he is doing the right thing cos you never can tell how worse some psychological issues can root deep down.
Good and make sure you don’t skip any therapy session. All the best buddy.
Mature Minds Talk


THE EX FACTOR #27

There’s always light at the end of the tunnel… for tunnels that have an end.

“So you mean you wished I’ll never come back because you’re happy with Jay?”… “Why didn’t you tell me this before so I can disappear back to wherever it was I emerged from…?” Lizzy’s fiancé grumbled after Lizzy’s six or seven minute’s confession speech.
“Calm down bro.” Tunde cut in with a gesture. “This is why it’s called a confession. So that the air can be cleared and everyone can come clean without being chastised or crucified.”
Everyone nodded in unison.
“So who’s going in next? Tunde asked. I guess he was really enjoying his new role of the confession MC.
Everyone looked at each other. My eyes were slightly opened but no one could know and I guess they just carried on with the assumption that I was either asleep or just tired.
“I’ll go in next” Doc FM said looking down like he had been caught red handed with some illegal stuffs.
“Doc can’t have that much to say. I’m sure of that” I thought to myself and he truly didn’t. In no time he was through and I’m sure he did that to loosen the tight screw. So nobody would think they’ll leave the converted confession room without saying one thing or the other.
“I’ll talk next. But hope its having them effect on him?” Mikee looked around.
“Yes, I’m sure its having its effect.” The MC replied.
“So, I used to… and I mean used to have a crush on Titi but that’s where it stopped.”
Nobody spoke.
“Then ermm… what else? Oh boy!… I used to feel inferior to you guys and sometimes it tells on my attitude. That’s it.”
The silence that followed nearly made me deaf. For some reasons, I would’ve laughed even though nothing Mikee just said was actually funny but thank God for my condition. I’m sure neither Titi nor Dave saw that coming.
“Thanks Mike… So who’s next?”
“Me!” Kate and Titi answered at the same time.
“Now this is going to be interesting.” I thought.
“Ok you go first.” Kate said
Titi hesitated a while and began her confession that took around eight to nine minutes.
“I thought you said you stopped drinking!… Oh I can’t believe this.” Dave began ranting just as Titi said “I think that’s it”. “…And all the times with Jay. What were you thinking? Huh?!”… “Thank God for someone like this who won’t even give in to your temptations, despite the fact that you’re his ex… I found myself in similar situation and I know what it cost me.”
“I was going to tell you everything babe. I swear!… Was just waiting for this to clear off your mind.”
“I see. And if you were really waiting, what…”
“Guys!” Tunde calmly yelled at them. “Hope you can see that someone is trying to rest here.”
Thank God for this Tunde guy, cos I was going to try my best to stand up and paste a dirty slap on Dave’s cheek. Your girl confessed. So what?… why be a bitch about it?
“It’s why it’s called a confession guys, do I need repeat that over and over again? Total freedom of speech, irrespective of what’s been said. Ok?… Thank you!”
“This Tunde is a really good guy.” I thought to myself. Asides the fact that we’ve not really met and talked, I knew he was a cool headed person with sound social skills and a very polished ‘get-along’ attitude. People like this are always the live of most gathering and they make most male talkative. They can form a bond with you in no time at all and they make wonderful sales person and customer care personnel… Oh you see? He works in etisalat just as I mentioned that, I remembered. And it would really have been unfair to do what I, Kate and Dave planned to do to him. He really would have been too innocent for it and although I might or might not meet him, his soul would’ve judged me… Well, would’ve judged me, Dave, June and Titi.
Scanning with my psychic thing, I knew he was really a likeable person and just as I was beginning to feel bad about how we had planned to tie him to a stake… Boom! It dawned on me that he was going to know all about it. Not just that, he was going to know all about it right here, in this room, in a couple of minutes time, from either his own fiancée or Dave, the ranting man he just did his best to calm down and it’s all going to be the peak of the event.
This isn’t the kind of peak an enjoyable event like this should have. It’s just like whispering the death of the MC’s relative to him while anchoring an event you’ve fully paid him for. Would he drop the mic and give you a refund or just continue with the show to mourn later?
Well, I don’t know and don’t want to know.
“Oh lord, don’t let anyone of either Kate or Dave remember to add the plot against our MC to their confessions. Lord, I beg of you. I’ll forever be grateful if it can be done. I know you’re the God of all flesh and you control people’s thoughts and mindset. I know there’s nothing impossible for you to do. Please erase that part off their memory and replace it with something else. Thank you father for the answered prayers, Once again, I’ll forever be grateful and I’ll owe you one. For I pray, Amen!”
I quickly scooped some words of prayer and hoped for the best. Thanking God for the AC that won’t allow me to visibly break a sweat.
“So who’s next?”
“It’s like you’re really enjoying us talk.” Lizzy retorted
“Hahha!… Why did you say that?”
“Cos you brought up this whole confession idea in the name of it’s what Jay wants. I personally don’t know if it’s having any effect on him. He might not even be hearing us. Although I don’t know much about health and all but I was going to ask how this is going to make him feel any better or worse.”
Tunde looked down, observed me for a while and stood back up.
“He’s awake and clearly hearing us. It’s just a matter of time before he joins in this conversion.”
I kicked Tunde in the crotch thrice… In my mind.
“Join which conversation?… This guy sure adds humour to his event hosting talent. If anyone does not work in the spirit of my prayer, I’m just going to lay here like a half dead fish till you guys argue and wear yourselves out.”
“So who’s next?” Tunde rolled his eyes from Kate to Dave, back and forth like a pendulum bulb.
“Ladies first” Dave replied, now smiling like a child and making remember the picture of some kids on a queue, receiving vaccines and the only two serious people on that long queue was the weeping boy with the needle in his arm and the boy just behind him, watching in horror his fate and he was the main character in the picture tagged “It’s all fun and games until you’re next!”
Kate was obviously reluctant.
“Or… ok. Let me go first.” Dave said choicelessly.
“Here we go!” I thought, squeezing my eyes shut and hoping for the best.
Fight for what you love cos if you love it, then it’s worth fighting for. Just hope what you love loves you.
Mature Minds Talk.

ORAL SEX AND CANCER

Can Oral Sex Give You Cancer?

Oral cancers are sometimes called head and neck cancers, and include cancers of the mouth, lip and tongue, as well as cancers of the tonsils, oesophagus, larynx (voice box), nasopharynx (the area that connects the nose and throat) and the thyroid gland.
What causes oral cancer?
Experts have known for years that the main risk factors for oral cancer are drinking alcohol and smoking or chewing tobacco. But there is growing evidence that infection in the mouth with HPV  Human Papilloma Virus (HPV) is a major cause of oral cancer.
Around 25% of mouth and 35% of throat cancers are HPV-related but the exact figures vary between different studies, possibly due to different ways of testing for the virus or varying levels of smoking and other risk factors.
Detecting the HPV virus in a sample of people who have oral cancer does not mean that HPV caused the cancer. The virus becomes part of the genetic material of the cancer cells, triggering them to grow.
How do you get HPV in the mouth?
There are more than 100 types of HPV, and around 15 are associated with cancers. These 15 are known as high-risk HPV types.
The types of HPV found in the mouth are almost entirely sexually transmitted so it’s likely that oral sex is the primary route of getting them. The high-risk HPV types are also passed on through vaginal and anal sex, and are linked to:
    cervical cancer
    vulval and vaginal cancer
    anal cancer
    penile cancer
    laryngeal cancer
    tonsil cancer
Some can be passed on through skin-to-skin contact and cause warts, including genital warts. The types of HPV that cause visible warts are low risk and are not the same types that cause cancer.
Most sexually active people (about 90%) will have been exposed to either high or low risk genital HPV types by age 25, but only 2-3% of these people develop visible genital warts. So most of us have been infected, but few are affected.
Risk Factors 
There is good evidence suggesting that, for some oral cancers, risk factors may be linked to sexual behaviour. These risk factors include:  
    ever having oral sex
    having oral sex with four or more people in your lifetime
    and, among men, having first sex at an earlier age (under 18)
At the moment, there is very little research that looks at the possible risks from giving oral sex to a man compared to giving oral sex to a woman. But we do know that HPV-related oropharyngeal cancer is twice as common in men than women, and is most common in heterosexual men in their 40s and 50s (as compared to the rates in homosexual men).
This indicates that performing cunnilingus (oral sex on a woman) is more risky that performing fellatio (oral sex on a man). This seems counter-intuitive, but the concentration of HPV in the thinner moist skin of the vulva is much higher than the amounts of virus shed from the thicker dry skin of the penis, and this affects how easy it is to pass the virus on. Other research indicates that HPV can be present in semen and passed on at ejaculation.
What is definitely known is that other infections are spread via oral sex, including herpes, chlamydia, syphilis and gonorrhoea, so it makes sense to protect yourself and your sexual partner by practicing safer oral sex.
How does HPV cause cancer?
HPV does not directly give you cancer but it causes changes in the cells it has infected (for example, in the throat or cervix), and these cells can then become cancerous.
Very few people infected with HPV will develop cancer. In 90% of cases the infection is cleared naturally by the body within two years.
However, people who smoke are much less likely to clear the virus from their body. This is because smoking damages special protective cells in the skin called immune surveillance cells, allowing the virus to persist. Cervical and vulval cancer is rare in women who don’t smoke, unless they have some other cause of immunosuppression (a weakened immune system).
If cell changes do happen, it can take a long time – even decades. HPV-related oral cancers seem to respond better to treatment than non-HPV-related oral cancers.
Men who have sex with men may have an increased risk of anal cancer, linked to HPV infection, and made worse by co-infection with HIV. There is evidence that the HPV vaccination may protect against HPV-related anal cancer, and recurrence of anal pre-cancer after treatment. 
Symptoms 
The symptoms of oral cancer include:
    red – or red and white – patches on your tongue or the lining of your mouth
    one or more mouth ulcers that do not heal after three weeks
    a swelling in your mouth that lasts for more than three weeks
    pain when swallowing
    a feeling as though something is stuck in your throat 
If you’re worried about oral cancer, go see your doctor. When mouth cancer is established, it has fairly clear symptoms, and your doctor should be able to see them by looking in your mouth. If oral cancer is diagnosed early, it is easier to treat, but about half of these cancers are diagnosed when the disease has already spread within the neck.

Mature Minds Talk.


THE EX FACTOR #26

“Why do bad things happen to good people?” is a question not only stating clear the irony of life, but also confirming that without ironies life is meaningless.
I opened my eyes to a whole different hospital ward unlike earlier. It was probably the heat generating from the seven people around my bed that woke me up. Dave, Titi, Doc and Mikee were on the right hand side of my bed. Kate, a black dude and most surprisingly, Lizzy’s husband, whose name will never stick to my head for unknown reasons were the spectators on the left- Lizzy wasn’t even in the room.
“He’s awake now” somebody said.
“Jay, can you hear me?” Titi bent towards my face like she wanted to plant a kiss on my lips.
“What could’ve happened?” I thought to myself. “How did I manage ending up on the hospital bed from driving back home after dejectedly leaving Lizzy’s place?”
I slowly rolled my eyes around; just to be sure my sight is okay and perfect cos if anything in the case of an accident, I can release any part of my body but my sight. Can I release my genitals?… of course I can. Just let me hold on to my sight.
I moved my fingers slowly under the spread sheet and my toes simultaneously and they moved, albeit in a whole lot of pain, especially my fingers- Fingers I’ve not seen since God knows how long.
“Jay, we’re all here” Kate said. “Please respond if you can hear us or give a sign.” Her voice was really shaky. She was choking on some quantity of tears.
“He’s scaring the shit out of me. Jah knows” Mikee chipped in.
I tried telling them all to calm down and one person should stand as the spokesperson and take up the duty of explaining what exactly is going on, where I am and precisely how I got here but I couldn’t. My throat burned and had a tearing feeling like the two sides of my throat had been glued together. So I kept on looking at everyone’s expression with a face as expressionless as possible.
Just as Doc FM placed his right hand on my chest, and told Kate to calm down, that I’ll be okay, tears quickly gathered round the corner of my eyes and slowly streamed out.
The tears were not of sadness or sorrow, neither of regret or hurt. They were tears of gratefulness mixed with pain and relief.
I was grateful I didn’t open my eyes to see my body lying lifelessly on the hospital bed, while I walk or float in the air through everything, becoming nothing but a wandering spirit with no means at all of communicating to the ones I still hold dear. I was grateful I had my life in spite of the accident I’m yet to know the details about. Although I was feeling all forms of pain- Slight, sharp, mild, whichever name could be given to pain, I still was relieved cos I believed I couldn’t ask for more than I got. I must’ve been thinking and driving and another source of relief was the fact that I could’ve killed someone like I almost did Titi the other night I only just missed an oncoming trailer but I didn’t kill anyone since I was  sure I was the only one in the car up till the last thing I remembered.
“He’s awake now. He’s a fighter. Even if he cannot respond to us now, I’m sure he can hear us. At least he’s looking at everyone.” Dave said looking straight at Doc FM… and that reminds me, in case you’re wondering why we call him Doc and all he can do is stand beside a patients bed and speculate with other speculators is cos he isn’t that kinda Doc. In fact, he is as good as any lame man when it comes to knowledge about any health related topic. He never would’ve even gotten that nickname if it wasn’t for me cos right after Femi bagged his doctorate degree in international relations or something, he changed completely on his return back to Nigeria. Femi would wear a shirt under a v-neck sweats shirt, with black pants and very shiny shoes to a club… Yup! You read that right. A club. I mean what kinda weirdo does that? So his seriousness, his dressing, his nerd glasses, his behavior, thanks to the fact that he’s the oldest amongst us made me generate the Doc suffix to his nickname and it got stamped before he even realized what was happening. It was “Doc FM” from me, round the clique and even to outsiders. The thought of having Doc FM standing beside me with no idea of what to do to make me feel better seemed like a dry joke in my mind and I couldn’t but let go of a wry smile as I shut my eyes.
“Did anyone see that?” The black dude beside Kate said, pointing like he had seen a snake or something.
“See what?” David replied.
“He smiled just now.” Dude replied. I’m sure he had his index finger pointed at my face in an annoying way.
“Yeah right.”  Mikee cut in.
“I’m sure of what I saw. I swear I’m not shitting you. Guys, I think we just need to keep saying things he needs to hear. He can hear us and maybe a conversation or jokes or whatever you guys talk about to lift your spirits would help him now. I’ve seen this kind of scenario in movies and also read about it in books. We need to lift his spirit. It’s the only way to make him respond to us.”
I think I’m gonna enjoy this. Seven grown adults, holding a rather forced and stupid conversation to keep me alive and awake. Oh boy!
I opened my eyes.
Everyone looked at one another to see if everyone was in on the act and to avoid the inevitable awkwardness that was soon to the follow.
“So what do you guys suggest we talk about?” Dave asked, looking at the black dude as if to tell him to come up with something since it was his idea in the first place.
“Tunde doesn’t know much about Jay and whatever he says or starts saying now might as well be just a mere waste of time.” Kate replied quickly.
Oh! So this was the Tunde I’ve heard quite a bit about. I thought to myself.  The Tunde we wanted to tie to a stake for David’s mistake. The Tunde who Kate, the spy was supposed to be keeping an eye on, only for her to return to fill me in on a love story rather than valuable info. Tunde the etisalat guy who would’ve fathered another man’s baby, thinking it was his. Now the same Tunde is standing over me, staring down at me and devising means and strategies of keeping me alive.
What a world of ironies.
“So what do you suggest we do then?” Titi, who has been a woman of few words this time around, spoke again.
“Where was Liz in all these drama?” I thought.
Doc looked out through the window, looked back inside and spoke up.
“I err… think we should err…..”
“Hello guys!… I’m back!”
Speak of the devil. Lizzy walked quickly through the door and straight to the head of the bed.
“Wow!… Jay’s awake guys!… when did he wake up?… Jay, can you hear me?… Jay?” She stood up and turned to the other people in the room “He’s not responding but his eyes are open.”
“Yea, Tunde said we should talk about something we think he might want to hear.”
Lizzy brought out her handkerchief, wiped the tears off her eyes and murmured something that sounded like “This is all my fault.”
Everybody took new positions round the bed and im sure if not for the top class vent system, these guys would sure have choked me to death.
“But how do we know what to talk about?” Doc asked as now, all eyes were on Tunde like he was some conjurer who only had the means of the reaching those on the other side and get messages across to the siblings and relatives they have left behind.
“We ask him. He’ll tell us what he wants us to talk about.”
“Hello?… He’s not responding, and we’re not even sure he can hear us.” Lizzy replied.
“He’ll give us a sign.” Tunde turned and faced me “What should we talk about Jay?… Sports? Girls?… Career?… Tell me if he gives a sign guys”
Everyone nodded.
“So big guy, You wanna talk about relationships?… No? Thought you were the love doctor. Ok, politics?… I should crack a few jokes?… Have you heard some dope new musical albums are out?… And yes, you’re slack on new movies too… but don’t worry, You’ll catch up.”
Tunde looked back and they all shook their heads.
“What else do you wanna talk about huh?… cos I’m sure there’s something you want to talk about… Yeah! I get it. You wanna talk about secrets and confessions?… huh?… You want us to let go of a few secrets. Isn’t it?
I blinked
“That’s it. He wants us to have a confession session!”
They all looked at me and I blinked again.
“Confession it is… So who comes clean first?” Tunde eye scanned everyone like a teacher looking for a pupil to answer the question hanging in the air.
“I’ll go first.” Lizzy cut in.
If a one eyed man is the king in the city of the blind, who’s the king in the city of people without feelings?
Mature Minds Talk