THE EX FACTOR #8

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.”
Mother Theresa couldn’t possibly be wrong. No way!
I sat at the back of the cab remembering how I felt terrible and asked myself why I couldn’t answer a simple “NO!” When Lizzy asked me if I still loved Titi.
“Do I still love her?” Maybe just a little, more of a fling. She had said she wanted to see me, and I still couldn’t guess what for.

I flipped the cover off the face of my S4, navigated my way to the gallery and smiled as I swiped through the pictures I, Tammy and Lizzy took a couple of days ago at The Palms.
“Oh boy… I look really old. Already like a family man. Especially this one where I had Tammy sitting on my neck and Lizzy was making faces from behind us” I thought to myself “these two are really good company”.
Already I was having a soft spot for Lizzy but I kept on and will keep on questioning myself for germinating feelings for someone people from where I grew up would call “after one”. I never really understood what after one or after whatever number that comes after meant for a very long time, all thanks to my assumption that it was probably an Eye thing. Not until a friend put to bed while I was still an undergraduate and other crazy friends started calling her “after one” that was when I understood what it really meant.
“Are ‘after one’ outcasts in anything going in line with love and relationships?” This is the exact question I kept asking myself.
“Oga shebi you go tell me if we don reach the place abi” the cool driver I had ordered through the ‘Easy Taxi’ service asked looking at me through the rear view mirror.
“Yea. Sure my man. Just let me know when we’ve passed Tantalizers” I replied with my gaze fixed on my phone screen.
My thumbs were warming up for the resumption of the scribbling exercise.
“No wahala oga. Ehm…”
I knew he wanted to say something, probably start a conversation but he was smart enough to grab that I was not going to be available so he made an early closure to the sermon.
I continued my article from where I stopped.
…. In other societies, there’s no stigmatization of any kind on single mums. In fact, they’re respected and supported. Not all single mums choose to be one, in fact, ninety percent of ladies accidentally become single mums. They are often ladies who gave all in a relationship. Body, soul and spirit (and money for those who have it) for guys who aren’t ready to be tied to the stake of commitment and responsibility. These set of women are those I refer to as “The Unlucky Set”.
Guys dread the word “pregnant” like the devil dreads the name “Jesus”.
Foolish is the middle name of any girl who thinks within herself that the best way to tie her man down is to get herself pregnant for him.
I deleted that paragraph cos that was exactly Lizzy case. An abusive relationship where she was brainwashed by amazingly dumb pals into believing that when she has his child in her belly, every act of abuse and wrong doing was going to be made right. Like seriously? How will a foetus in your womb miraculously turn a new page in the life of a man you aren’t even legally married to and who probably would go on destruction mode if he gets to know you are pregnant. That should be rated the poorest decision ever.
I continued.
…Single mums normally have many problems to face already and to top it up, the struggle to get a man that will take them the way they are and by that I mean a man who is willing to love them and take the child in as his. That is a very difficult spoil to come by especially in an african society. Some society even sees it as a taboo for a man to father another man’s child. Some society also makes it a choiceless situation for the woman to marry someone else. She must marry the man she has a child for. Abusive or not. Even be it the devil himself. What nonsense! Then what lies the fate of the woman who can’t but bring in her flesh and blood into wedlock? Doesn’t she deserve to be happy? How many men are willing to take an ‘after one’ home to meet mama? What is the possibility that the man won’t love the woman and be nonchalant about the daughter or child.
I said daughter because eighty-something percent of children born out of wedlock are females. Then you can’t possibly brush aside the role of broken homes in the widespread of single parenthood. Around ninety percent of pregnant girls are girls from a broken home. The combined fear of both the father and the mother is the only hurdle left for some unintentional aspiring single mothers and thanks to that, we have one less two legged pot on fire. In a society where there is supposed to be the standard tripod stand consisting of the father, mother and the children, the rampant modification you see all over is the father and the children or mother and the children. This is so sad because the psychological, emotional and even physical effect of this on the innocent kid is almost immeasurable. Needless it is for me to say the mere fact of one growing up without the presence of either parent is not going to just pass by, without in one way or the other defining the kind of child or I’ll rather say the victim of poor decisions that would be brought up and passed into the society. One of the dark corners of the society today is the “Product of broken home association” No offence to such people, the straight arrow of question and accompanying blame is shot at the two immature couple, most especially the guy who can’t wrap his device up in its pouch or be sensible enough to protect himself and the girl or thinks she’s woman enough to stand the consequences of bringing an innocent child into the world.
Leaving the vices and other negativity of single parenthood and broken homes aside, the life of a single mom shouldn’t come to an end just because she’s a single mum. A kid with a run-away dad deserves the joy of being able to scream “daddy!” And run into wide open arms. Now, when no one wants to marry our ‘After ones’, don’t we automatically confine them to the jail of exclusion and neglect?
I would rather all single mums get a husband who would love them and their child unconditionally and sincerely. A far fetched wish maybe, but the society would really benefit from this. The absence of a father figure is one of the medium of propagating the gospel of societal misdemeanor in teenagers and youths and annoyingly, the horrible habit is formed and like the popular saying, old habits die hard.
“We all have issues…but how we manage them is really what makes the difference.”
In conclusion, the way these issues are handled in the modern world are…
“Oga we don pass Tantalizers oh”
I jerked up. Looked around and covered my phone. That was me – Always engrossed when it comes to reading or writing.
I let out a deep sigh. “1:47 PM”.
“Howfar guy” I said into the mouthpiece as I hit the green touch space on the screen of my phone.
“I’m not alright Bro. My conscience won’t let me be”
“Shoot!”
“I’ve been thinking about what you told me, and believe me I need to come plain to my fiancé and face the worst. It can break us up but I’ll know I have a clear conscience and that will feel so much better than living with her, with a skeleton in my cupboard. Suspicion and the fear of revelation won’t even allow me enjoy us. Believe me, you’re right bro. I think that’s what I’m going to do. The burden of secrecy isn’t one I think I’m ready to bear”
“Now you’re seeing things from my vintage point I guess” I said with a sigh of relief.
“Yes boss. I’ll ask her what her plans are tomorrow take her somewhere, The Stepp maybe and break the news to her. Man, believe me she’s gonna claw my skin off my body”
“You’re just exaggerating. I know your madam, she’ll get mad and being realistic, who wouldn’t?… Face the music, man. Real men don’t hide behind a finger, they gather their issues and handle it. And like I use to say, prepare for the worst while you hope for the best” “I just hope I wouldn’t…”
“Just do it man. If you don’t take care of ur mess, who will?”
“This dettol advert though… I’ll give it what it takes. Safe man. Cheers”
“I’m even on my way to… Oh”. The line went dead before I could finish telling Believe I was meeting up with Titi somewhere around her place.
“Oga na here be the place wey you describe give me” the cab man said like I didn’t know already.
I got out, paid the transport fare and did a quick eye scan of the parking lot. Titi’s Toyota Camry was nowhere to be found and my morale kind of dropped. I just wasn’t in the mood for playing the waiting game. Not today… Not now. I brought out my phone.
“Hello Titi. When will you ever keep to time?”
“What?!… I’ve been waiting for you for like quater of an hour now and you ask me when I’ll keep to time “
“When did you start using cabs. Is that me influencing you?” I said with a smile cos I was relieved there would be no waiting today.
“No. I didn’t come in a cab and that means you’re around. Now get in!”
The line went dead and I stopped for a second. Something was fishy and what hit me was “I just spoke to Dave” so he couldn’t have brought Titi. Then anytime Titi uses that straight voice, she wasn’t in no mood to be messed with.
I walked into the pub and made for our regular spot. There she was, in a sky blue polo shirt a black trousers sitting opposite someone. I moved close enough and stop beside the table. A fair skinned lady sat opposite Titi. She wore a light green gown and a black jean on a pair of low tops. very pretty and must be in her late twenties. She was very engrossed with whatever she was doing on her phone.
“Hey ladies” I said to particularly draw her attention.
“Whatsup with you” Titi replied hitting me slightly in the stomach.
I gave her a questioning look to signal “who is this?”
“And yea. June here’s Jay. Jay, meet June”.
“The world is so small, even the mind of a new born is bigger” – ME (2013)
Mature Minds Talk.


PAINKILLERS

On a cold and rather thoughtless night,
We stood hand in hand on the edge of a cliff,
Saying last prayers before the inevitable flight,
I looked you in the eye with insights, you were stone stiff.
Can I still make it to the train station?
And take a nap on the railway till a train wakes me up. 
I’ve always been the convict of your actions,
Sweet pains, not knowing if you should go on or set alterations.
I ploughed the field of my heart, raised a scarecrow and set booby traps.
I took you the way you were and wobbled along the dark tunnel of your mind like a blind pauper.
I tore out my skin to make you see my heart and  broke my spine to give it to you.
Little fire flies of promises, leading me onwards through the pilgrimage,
A journey that began with a “Hi” and a smile.
You knew what you anticipated doing all along,
We knew, I heard, but I just decided to turn deaf ears to warnings.
Slowly, you began to react to those silly shortcomings,
You saw the fear in my eyes, the trouble on my mind.
Every volcano starts with little bubbling molten magma,
Every hurricane starts with aimless funny winds,
An ocean of words unspoken, a sea of feelings unattended,
A couple of promises broken, a few unbreakable laws jealously guarded.

What happened to us?

I drown in the ocean of my heart ache, nicely messed up and beautifully undone.
Feeling stripped of everything, except the solace I find in the smile of poseidon.
Hold my hand oh mother Athena, or let me at least rest my head on your bosom,
Until this cloud of pain passes and the flowers will once again with hope blossom.
I’ll take a bow while the curtain drops,
Hoping to get decapitated and become free of my misery.
At a minute to midnight, the moon started to weep
At the remembrance of how all day, the sun bled.
I’ll avoid you like a plague in another life,
If I’m not twice a fool to get caught up in the aura of your attraction
I’ll explore all my options, whether to slit my wrist with a knife,
Whatever will fill the cup of your satisfaction.
My head is spinning. My hand is freezing
My throat is chocking. My heart is melting.
How did the tides turn? Where did we get it all wrong?
I looked you in the eye with insights, you were stone stiff.
Slowly and steadily, u metamorphosed from reality to a myth.
Making me second guess myself and wishing I could’ve done more and given it all.
Allowing fate to lurk in the shadows and let out that mischievous smile.
I’m sorry for believing you when you said we’re not going to get hurt.
Can’t believe I’m once more a patient of TIME – My personal doc.
Once beaten, twice shy, thrice heartbroken.
I’ll like to be sedated or preferably slump into an induced comma.
Whatever would ease this pain.
The immeasurable agony of this indescribable heartache.
I’ll be fine once I get it. I’ll be good enough to shame fate.
In the meantime, I’m sorry doc hand over to me some painkillers.


THE EX FACTOR #7

“He who wants to mix love and segregation will only end up achieving nothing & losing both ways. “

“Hey whatsup dear” I said as I picked up the phone from my lying position. One good thing about people like me is the ability to ease seamlessly into other peoples life and by that I mean we make friends easily. Making friends is easy cheesy and Lizzy’s case was easier, considering the fact that she called me first and she was naturally a comely person. She even had already asked me to come see her at home even though we just got on thesame page.

“When did you say you are coming to see me?” Lizzy asked.

There was always something I loved about her voice. Her “requesting” voice. Her voice can make someone do something he/she doesn’t want to, out of pity or sympathy. A good example was going to see her which I had never had the plan of doing. Albeit for no genuine reason, I just didn’t feel like.

“Later in the day. And its not you I even want to check on. It’s Little Tammy”

“Hahaha… Why na?… I be old cargo?”

“Na you talk am oh”… “I no kuku call u old cargo. Silly you”

I was already in love with Lizz… No! Don’t think faster than you read. I was in love with Lizzy’s Daughter. Dorothy or Damilola. You just got to love her. 3 years and 10 months old. Very sharp & more intelligent than her age.

“My name is Tammy (Dammy)” she said with a smile when I spoke to her on phone and asked for her name. You know little kids and the exchange of “D” with “T”. Even some adults do it. I love kids & this was one lovely kid.

I checked my bedside clock. “10:20AM”

It shouldn’t be more than thirty to thirty-five minutes drive from my place to Lizzy’s but Lagos’ traffic makes journeys timeless. Just yesterday, Titi had called, saying she wanted to see me and since then I’ve been hoping its not that someone had gone ahead to tell her the forbidden news since we all agreed it wasn’t yet time. And yes that reminded me of how the first stage of Dave’s confession saga in the Step Inn went.

After Dave had narrated his ordeal with June, I and Mickey couldn’t talk for like 2 minutes. “Oh boy eh!…” I said just at the same time when Mickey also found his voice.

“This is bad. Bad. I mean Real bad man!”

“I’m so ashamed of myself. I don’t even know what to do…”

“You should be. Aswear” Mickey cut in before Dave could finish & I knew at this rate, voices would be raised. Well, like I didn’t need my psychic thing for that cos in no time, Dave & Mickey were quietly shouting at each other & I was cutting into both’s statement, trying to put an abrupt end to their childlike behaviour.

“Like say na this guy holy pass”

“At least I don’t claim ‘Mr. One woman man’. Do I?… And you claim you’re about to be engaged or….”

“Guys!… Abeg na. Bouncer go come throw us comot oh” I said, trying to be the peacemaker and calm the adult uproar.

They just continued at each other like I had suddenly gone extinct.

“Just try to put yourself in someone’s shoes before you open your mouth and judge. Hanhan!”

I thought for a second to tell Dave to take back what he just said ‘cos dramatically, the very night of his mess up, Titi flirted me or we flirted with ourselves and I stood strong in the face of strong temptation. Had it not being for my self control, we could be exchanging pleasantries of confessions.

I sighed.

“Oh well!… I’m not about putting a ring on any lady’s hand. And I will never fall for such if I was about to, even in your shoes”

“That’s exactly how easy it is to say, until they fall the next victim. Abeg abeg”

“Wait till the news gets to your only ‘madam’ na”

“How will she know?… She’s not a witch na. Unless you hawk the news to her. In which case, you’re very immature”

“F you man!… Inma d’ame Boomboclat”

At this point, I knew I had to come in or else, we’re sure getting bounced.

“GUYS!… CUT THE CRAP!!!” I shouted, ignoring others in the bar who have been disturbed and made eye contact with the dark, thick and roughly built guy at the door. I clasped both hands together intending to portray an “I’m sorry” sign.

He replied with a slight nod.

That was how we were. Four friends who aren’t afraid of poking each other in the eyeball if need be & garnish it up with a corrective “sorry”. After managing to escape being bounced, I successfully calmed them down and the next series of conversation was what to next. The deed has been done and the next thing is to know the way forward. – Not beating ourselves backward.

“So what is the way forward” I asked the two men on my either side like the boss in a conference meeting.

“Its his mess man. In’ma pack it” Mickey waved his hand like he just saw something disgusting.

After much “this and that” talk, we concluded that we’ll keep it between us. We won’t even tell Doctor FM – He kindda was too outspoken and may slip. I was the quietest and most reserved in the group so if any news was going to break, its definitely going to be between Believe and Mickey. We decided and concluded. The imaginary oath of silence was taken.

“But for how long?” I thought to myself. “How am I even going to be able to look at Titi if she gets to know I knew something like this and kept it from her”. “What if Dave told her himself & she gets to know we concluded on silence. That would kindda tarnish my image. Or won’t it?” “What the hell is wrong with this June or whatever her name is?… Huhn?!”

——————————————————- 2 Hours later ———————————-

“I’m determined to make your date with your wife a smooth and eventful one” Lizzy said, grinning widely as we strolled round “The Palms Mall” she was wheeling the cart around like some playful child and her ever smiling face was even more radiant. My psychic thing made me realize its a been a really long time she went out with a guy. A lot of troubles lie on the path of single mums. It is so not easy. She was wearing a long versace black and white gown with a black scarf dropping from the sides of her head and wrapped around her neck. She looked a bit arabian and she finished it off with a simple dull grey sandals.

I didn’t know and never really cared much about fashion. So I just wore my jean & burberry white round neck top & a short sleeved burberry shirt on it with loose buttons. I did not know… More of I did not care if I looked good or not.

“Thanks. Hope its for real and not just some bad belle talk” I replied as I changed the hand with which I held Tammy. She also looked cute in a yellow polo shirt and a blue jean trousers to match. She had a yellow and black hi-top to kill it off. Cutest.

We bought a few more things then took Tammy to the games arcade. She ran off joyfully to join up with like five more kids playing “blind slide” or something, about her age group and totally forgot how she got there.

At first, everything was cool at first and we watched the children from one corner to the other. It was like the room was problem proof. They evidently had nothing to worry about and they were really having the time of their lives in there. “If there was just a room like this for adults where all problems will just vanish… Oh ok!… We have the bars and beer parlours”. I thought for while.

Like 5 minutes after Tammy was gone, I was starting to feel like a guy who has to be left in the company of a stranger by her friend, trying to set up a match of them both. One way or the other, uneasiness and nervousness started creeping in. My left thumb caressed the screen of my S4 and from the corner of my eyes, I could see Lizzy toying with her fingers.

“Kids” she said like she was thinking aloud, her line of sight focused on the kids playing, oblivious of the two nervous adults, implementing their business as the perfect alibi.

“They ain’t got no worries” I replied in the same manner. My thumb continuing its subconscious job.

“Look at her. Isn’t she beautiful?”

“She is. Beautiful and full of life”

“I love her so much. If only she didn’t look so much like her dad. Any time she reflects or behave like her dad, I snap and sometimes lose it. I’ve even gone as far as hitting her once. I cried afterwards cos she’s just innocent and Its like I’m just blaming her for my stupidity…”

“Where’s her dad?” I cut in, since I might not get the right opportunity to ask after this conversation.

“The idiot is in Wales. He used me, duped me, and dumped me. I was a fool for love but that’s once upon a time. My heart is blocked now. I’ll forever despise the day I met him. Men are just a bunch of assholes”

I felt slapped.

“Not all men though” I said beneath my breath.

“Yea. You’re right. Pardon my generalization”

Silence prevailed for around three minutes as Kanye West’s “Heartless” played from somewhere.

“I hate coincidences like this” I thought to myself.

Lizzy reached for the goodie bag and took two bars of Snickers. Handed one to me and continued watching. I held the chocolate and looked sideways at her. Observed, stared, gazed, and whatever was there to qualify gaping at someone.

“One-twenty! that makes it two minutes of you staring at the old cargo”

I was completely taken aback cos I was 90 percent sure I was out of her peripheral range of vision.

“You owl!” I screamed.

We laughed, did some other petty talking and I was very much relieved that the lighter mood was back. She made a “time” sign to the playroom coordinator and he immediately went to fetch Dorothy.

All the kids hugged her one after the other and Lizzy and I were like “WHAT?!”. Then something strange happened. The last kid a cute boy of about five hugged her longer and gave her a peck on either cheek. With mouths wide opened, I and Lizzy stared at each other before she bursted in laughter, wrapping her arms around her stomach.

“What?!” I asked sarcastically

“How many minutes? Oh my days!… That’s should be in the Guinness book of records as the shortest relationship ever”

“Leave my wife alone. I’m not complaining. Am I?”

Tammy ran into my hands as I carried her up against my chest. She waved to the group and they waved back… Everyone except the little kid. He just stared and I took it as he was too emotional to wave back.

“Kids” I whispered.

I drove Lizzy and Dorothy back home and the ride was just a jolly one. I was the comedian. And they both made an inspiring audience.

“Thanks for today. I’ve not gone out like this in a long long time” Lizzy said as she saw me off to my car.

“Anything to please my Mother-In-Law”

“You’re not serious”

“I am oh. Impression is one of the most important things in this life. And I’ve just got to leave a positive one.”

“Do you have a girlfriend?”

Something pinched my spinal line.

“No”

“Boyfriend?”

“What?!… Of course not!”

“Do you have prospectives or a crush?”

“No”

“Do you love your ex?”

Silence…..

_________________________________________

“Those who you point to as heartless, once cared too much” – ME (2011).

Mature Minds Talk.

The Ex Factor is a weekly publication from the MMT JOURNALS scheduled for publication every saturday by 9PM.


5 WAYS TO DEAL WITH AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP

Emotionally abusive relationships. You meet someone who you think is absolutely fantabulous. You think they are going to be the one. After a few months of that “new couple bliss,” the tables start to turn. Your best suddenly becomes not good enough. Yeah sure, I’ve been there. When problems came up, I wanted to fix them but they were outside of your control. I wanted to make eveything better for the person who ultimately, was doing me more harm than good, but I refused to accept it.
The truth? So so many women who are in similar situations aren’t the real reason behind the issues. You and I, we aren’t the catalyst that can change these abusers for the better. More truth? Getting out is necessary. It may not be easy. It may not be what your heart wants. But it has to happen.
Looking back, I wish I had someone to help me during the hardest times. That’s why I present you with 5 ways to get out of an emotionally abusive relationship:
1. Accept it. This is probably the hardest part. As much as you want to make everything hunky dory for you and your partner — some things just aren’t under your control. Accepting it is the first step to moving forward in your life. Recognize that it won’t be easy. That’s OK. Moving on from any relationship, emotionally abusive or not, is never simple.
2. Find comfort in friends. Your closest friends will be there for you to pick you up when you’re down. In my experience, your friends haven’t been fans of your emotionally abusive partner for a while now. It may be hard to admit you finally see what they’ve been saying for the last few months, but once you do — you’ll feel a weight lifted. A good friend just wants you to be okay. At this point in time, it’s not about who is right or wrong. It’s about romantic comedies, ordering takeout, and sleepovers — no matter how old you are.
3. Distractions are critical. Now is as good a time as any to pick up a new hobby. When you’re in a relationship, you dedicate a whole chunk of your personal time to another person. With those time slots suddenly open, your calendar is wide open. Pick up a few extra classes at your gym, look into a local photography club, check out the running store down the block. Allow yourself to explore new things.
4. Let out your feelings. It’s okay not to be okay. I think it’s safe to say that so so many women want to stay strong and put on a good face for family and friends around them.If you hold in your true feelings, you’re never going to allow yourself to grieve the end of something that meant a lot to you. You’re allowed. I promise.
5. Cut the loose ends. Friends with friends of his on social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and the like? Those constant reminders of someone who did you harm are 100 percent unnecessary, but it’s hard to cut the chord. If you wouldn’t be friends with them outside of the relationship, then cut the chord. Whether that be “unfriending” them completely or just blocking them from your News feed — it will help you to move on.
Have you ever been in an emotionally abusive relationship?… Drop your comments.
Mature Minds Talk.

20 SIGNS YOU MIGHT BE A SEX ADDICT

Even before David Duchovny played a sex addict in his hit show Californication (and then became one in real life), we’ve been bombarded by cheating celebs swearing they’re only cheating because they’re addicted to sex. Tiger Woods is only the half of it.
Experts are on the fence about whether sex addiction is a real condition – but most agree that it is an actual, if not a diagnosable, disorder (though it’s not listed in the bible of psychology, the DSM-IV).
So what are some of the symptoms? Are you a sex addict? Is your partner a sex addict? Read on to learn more about the signs of a true sex addiction.
1) Compulsively cheating on a partner or spouse.
2) Engaging in multiple extramarital affairs that have almost nothing to do with intimacy.
3) Masturbating excessively and/or obsessively.
4) Getting involved in unsafe sexual encounters despite knowing they’re risky.
5) Compulsively engaging in phone sex.
6) Making a habit of having anonymous sexual partners.
7) Turning to prostitution — either soliciting sex from prostitutes or becoming a prostitute or escort.
8) Engaging in sexual behaviors that interfere with other obligations like work, family life, and school.
9) Trolling classified ads online or in print for sex partners.
10) Getting irritable, anxious, or angry without frequent sex.
11) Spending an inordinate amount of time planning (often deviant) sex fantasies.
12) Feeling a great deal of guilt and remorse after engaging in sexual behaviors.
13) Frequently arguing with family and loved ones about the hypersexual behavior.
14) Engaging in unhealthy or compulsive sexual behavior despite knowing the risks of physical harm to self or others involved.
15) Repeatedly trying to curb the sexual fantasies, urges, and behaviors without being able to.
16) Habitually having one-night stands.
17) Knowingly compromising personal relationships (including marriages) in order to fulfill sexual fantasies and urges.
18) Performing sex acts that tend to be precipitated by a depressed mood.
19) Engaging in exhibitionism (a desire to expose parts of the body), in public.
20) Getting pleasure out of voyeurism and frequently engaging in it.
If you recognize a good number of these traits in yourself or your partner, seek out a therapist in order to get some help. There’s nothing to be scared or ashamed of. 
Sexual addiction can be treated.
 Culled from the huffington post
Mature Minds Talk.

THE EX FACTOR #6

Welcome to the world where everything is more twisted than it seems.
[Recap]
“Believe me when I say I’m really excited, June’s coming to Lagos next week. She told me 2 days ago that she has a 2 weeks course in preparation for her transfer from Abj to Lag” – T.E.F #1
“Having Titi sit directly opposite me in this same pub, at this same corner was like a key to the flood gate of memories. They rushed in so hard, I nearly puked some. Nobody spoke” – T.E.F #2
“At the front of my gate we both had said our goodbyes but nobody turned to leave. Spontaneously, my mouth moved towards hers and hers towards mine. We met halfway” – T.E.F #3
“Dave is the third relationship after you and I’m still hoping to find someone who’ll make me forget you and those times. Dave is trying but I’m still hoping for the best ‘cos you were the best I ever had” – #T.E.F 4
“June stood up from the rotating backless chair she was sitting on and sat on the edge of the king size bed, some few feet away from where Dave was sitting” – T.E.F #5
—————— An hour and half later ——————–
“Whatever you are not going to eat, it’s a very needless act to go ahead, perceiving the aroma”
That probably wasn’t exactly how that adage went but the interpretation meant the same thing.
After around an hour and thirty minutes or thereabout of talking raising voices and calming ourselves to avoid being bounced out of the bar, I made my way home from The Step Inn, thinking about a lot of things and about the possibilities of different outcomes of the different options I, Dave and Mickey weighed back in there.
How come?” I thought to myself. “I swear. Women are the most powerful invention of the Man up top… just too damn powerful”
“Oga you never drive for Lagos road before?!… Abi make dem comot your glasses?!… mtcheww!” A bus driver shouted out at me as he made a swerve from his lane to mine and bursted into the connecting main road.
I shook my head and continued thinking, like the lesson I learnt some few weeks back wasn’t enough for me.
Women can start and end national wars. They can turn a billionaire into a cab driver and can turn a cab driver into a billionaire. Sometimes you see old rich men, behaving like brainless goats just because of a woman and even some simple minded guys or players as they tag themselves these days would call themselves lady killers, when in truth they are the ones being led to the abattoir”
My phone rang.
Jermaine Cole’s “New York Times” jerked me out of my thoughtful time into the real time but my instincts instantly went against me picking up the call – for reasons unknown to me. The phone was face down under my car’s CD player so I wouldn’t even know and wasn’t alert enough to do my psychic guess thing to know who exactly the caller was but I just didn’t pick it up. After the caller’s third attempt, it stopped ringing. I sighed deeply.
“Memories!… We invest so much in making, breeding and feeding them when we are happy and head-over-heels, forgetting that they might be the same Monsters and Demons that will come back to violently haunt us when the party’s all gone sour” – ME (2012)
After listening to Dave’s story, I really couldn’t blame him ‘cos I’m a kind of person who before he passes judgment, puts himself in the same shoes and draw out the odds of possible different outcomes. I probably would have done the same thing or probably not, recollecting the fact that it could’ve been me relating my story of how I F’ed up to the crew. Dave was very lucky Femi A.K.A Doctor FM wasn’t at the bar or he would’ve driven a screw into Dave’s temple.
I giggled.
Women fight for gender equality but from my weird perspective, it’s us males that are supposed to be fighting this very fight. These powerful elements are always given the head start and I mean ALWAYS. Appear anywhere in the world, even in some churches, there’s always the gender bias rule. This made me remember one particular instance.
I was on a queue in one GTBank branch on a Friday, that should be around a week or two ago. The queue was so long and everybody had their killer faces on. I plugged my earpiece to my ears, jamming Drake featuring Jhene Aiko “From Time” and just moved forward one step after the other according to how the answered customer left the queue. Suddenly a lady stood beside me and only by the movement of her good looking lips did I realize she was saying something.
“Sorry?” I said as I unplugged my earpiece from my right ear.
“Please sir, I’m really really in a hurry. My kid is waiting for me in the car outside and it’s really hot and sunny out there. Can I stay in your front please?” she spoke very low, either to add some spice to her already beggi-beggi voice or so the next person wouldn’t hear.
“Hian!… stay in my front?… I’ve been standing here for God knows how long and just when I’m the fourth person on the queue, you just emerge from nowhere and stare at me with your duck like face and sickle cell voice. Can I stay in your front?… No, you can stay in my pants. Get the hell outta my face before I yank out of the building all together” I said………. In my mind though.
Actually, I smiled and didn’t move forward as the answered customer left. She wasn’t dull either, in a flash she had lined in like an i-robot.
“Howfar na?”. “Bros!… haba!”. “Woman Power!”. “This guy is very stupid!”. “Shuu!… Just enter line like that?”  “bla bla bla…” other customers behind grumbled, swore, and complained.
“It’s her space. She was there already” was all I could shout back amidst all their protests and whining.
I lied, I felt it was a white one, she waited for me outside to thank me, she gave me a quick lecture of being a single mum, she was beautiful and the lil’ girl was cute, we ended up exchanging numbers, I had not called since and neither had she, but the thing is if it was a guy that tapped me, the first annoyance would be him making me unplug my earpiece when that kind of song was playing, then even if his grandma was roasting in the sun outside, it still would’ve taken a lot of thinking and consideration and possibly rejection of the request. So you see?
I nearly hit the car in front of me since I was unaware that all the cars were stopping ‘cos of the red light. I slammed the brake and let out a sigh.
“It could’ve been me sharing or rather, confessing my escapade with Titi, my friend’s girl to every member of the crew. Four of us that is, and inarguably, I would’ve been lynched on National TV. Even the thought twitched my stomach sour. That wouldn’t be anything like Dave’s confession. June was single. Nobody’s girl and even if she was someone’s girl, we didn’t know who it was. But messing around with your friend’s girl, Nope! “Hommies don’t shit on Hommies yards”.
A loud honk sounded behind me. My car was stagnant even after the green light.
“I’m so sorry y’all” I said to myself like it was supposed to be a broadcast message for all those I’ve inconvenienced. I matched the throttle and made a right turn, the last turn before getting home. For some reasons I didn’t know, I just couldn’t wait to get home. –My apartment. The standard definition of a bachelor’s abode.
I got home, found my way into the bathroom, hung my cloths in the closet and straight into the shower. I stood there for around five minutes, just allowing the water to run over me like it was supposed to wash my thoughts away. The water felt cool. Then, like it was running some ironic assignments, the cooler the water felt, the deeper in though I got.
As unpredictable as I am, I was not thinking of Dave, Titi, June, Doctor FM or whoever was already in or going to get into the confession saga. I was thinking about Elizabeth or Lizzy as she introduced herself. Lizzy was in her late twenties although she didn’t tell me but I did my psychic thing. She is a single mom with a cutie of a daughter around four years old, fair skinned and a broad sweet smile, nice soft pleading voice, height around 5’7 and should weigh just around 127 pounds. Since that day at the bank, no party had attempted making contact. Good enough.
My phone rang again from inside the room and I contemplated going naked to see who was calling. It could be Dave, Mickey or… No I don’t want it to be Titi. This wouldn’t be the best time. On second thought, I decided to leave it and call back after my unnecessary self-prolonged shower. 
Thoughts changed, and it was back to Dave’s narration.
Dave stood up from the chair he was sitting on, like a victim of the mischievous ‘sit-on-a-pen’ secondary school prank, grabbed June by the waist and planted his mouth deep into hers. They kissed long, rough and passionately like a reuniting couple after seven years. Next thing you know, June had pushed Dave onto the king-size bed and before any protests could be made, she was upon him like a demon ready to possess. Moments come when logical reasoning can’t be accessed and you either use your reserved determination or you simply enjoy the period of captivation, discarding any possible consequence.
Clothes were being yanked off, and in less than a minute, all ‘Believe’ had on were his pair of black socks. According to him, since I wasn’t there, it was all happening in the speed of light and thoughts were always two steps behind actions. Right under the sheets, Dave was grinding, pushing and thrusting June so hard and fast. The only time he stopped was when June got up, pushed him unto the bed and sat on him; slightly moving up and down – Change of style.
All through the act, all that was on his mind was Titi.
In less than half an hour, the deed had been done. However unplanned and unintentional, June and Dave lay next to each other, staring at the ceiling, sweating and panting.
“Woo… You’re still the boss Dee”
No reply
“Did you enjoy it?”
No reply
“Are you alrig….”
Dave shoved the bed sheet aside before she could finish the sentence, dashed for his briefs and dressed up “I’m about to be engaged for Christ’s sake. What have I done?… Damn!” he grumbled and mumbled.
June remained in the same position, just staring at him like he was acting.
He felt like arrows were being shot at him from different angles. – The height of guilt, or thereabout.
“What am I gonna tell my fiancée?… what?!”
He angrily found his way out of the room to where his car was and in no time was on his way home without a word to June nor a reply to his mumblings from her either. And that was when he called me.
My phone rang again.
I snapped out of my thoughts planet and quickly stepped out of the bathroom, toweled myself and wrapped the wet piece of clothing around my waist.
I checked my phone’s screen and it was just an MTN number. “who the hell is this?”
“Hello”
No reply
“Hello, who is this please”
“Good afternoon. This is Elizabeth”
“Who?”
“Lizzy! We met at the bank and I’ve been calling for close to an hour”.
Mature Minds Talk. 

THE EX FACTOR is a weekly publication from the MMT JOURNALS and is scheduled for publishing every Saturday by  9PM.


WHAT’S WRONG WITH GRANDPA?

I’m really confused about this.
My dad and I just recently transferred my grandpa to an adult care home. Since my dad wasn’t too much based in the country, i did all the visiting and covered the immediate expenses.

One disturbing thing that happened on my fifth visit was the manager telling me that my grandpa has shown sexual advances to the male staffs in the institution and the latest was pretending to be ill and asking the cleaner (male) to come rub his manhood.

I was taken aback and rose to the defence of my grandpa. The manager took me to his office, told me he would’ve played the CCTV recording of 2 infamous acts but it was too disgusting for him. He handed over to me the two tapes and told me to watch it when i get home.

I stood up almost in shame and apologized on his behalf. I just dropped the items i bought for him cos i couldn’t afford to see him. I’ve kept the tapes since i can’t just watch them too.
I love my grandpa so much but I’ll never be able to look at him after this and a lot of questions have been running through my mind.

“How long has he been gay?”

“Does my father know?”

“How did we all not notice all these while?”

“Does old age affect peoples sexual stands?”

“Could it still be a misunderstanding”?

I just don’t know what to do…. I’ve not gone to see him since then.

Mature Minds Talk.


GUYS, WHO WOULD YOU GO HOME WITH?

Now, this could be another tricky one. This mischievous mind of mine… Lolz.
Well, question is: If you were to go home with one of these ladies, who would it be. Choose carefully. No Second Chance. A, B, C, D or E?

A
B
C
D
E

 Additional Info right?… Or you’ve already made your choice.
A. Jhene Aiko Chilombo (26)
B. Jennifer Kate Hudson (33)
C. Ella Yelich-O’connor a.k.a LORDE (18)
D. Elizabeth Grant a.k.a LANA DEL REY (28)
E. Alicia Cook a.k.a ALICIA KEYS (33)
Who did you choose?… before you got to know the names and yes their ages. Be honest.
Mature Minds Talk.

HOW DO WE GO HOME?!

Now this is a question for the guys. Ladies, you’re also welcome.
4 years ago she had two choices as an orphan. Open a tattoo parlour or go into prostitution. She opted for the former and advertised on herself with permanent tattoos. – You know what permanent tattoos are right?
Fast forward to today, she’s now your babe. You’ve been dating for 8 months, she’s told you every single thing about her past and She’s turned religious and has gone back to school (thanks to you). She’s doing great and very caring, loving, prayerful and her advices are top notch. In short, a complete wife material. and you love her like mad.
The question now is how do you take her home to your MUM that this is who you want to marry?
Let’s hear your thoughts in the comment section below.

Mature Minds Talk.


DATING AN AQUARIUS MAN

Call me Bias for attending to my Zodiac sign first, you can’t do anything about it. Can you? Lolz… and even if this period isn’t about us; the water bearers, we’ll still say “in your face yo!”… Now let me cut to the chase and give other Aquarius some more insights to their zodiac. Let’s go.

Aquarius: (Jan 20 – Feb 18)

Aquarius is very intellectual, creative and analytical, and those born under this sign love to figure things out and discover all the inner workings of things – and of other people, too. The Water-bearer has a friendly nature, so he makes acquaintances easily. He’s also compassionate and has empathy for others. Add to these salient traits his great sense of humor, and it’s easy to see that he’s extremely likable.
The Water-bearer dislikes following rules made by others, so he prefers to make his own. He’s an individual who definitely marches to the beat of a different drum, and he’s also known for his spontaneity. Carefree and daring, the Water-bearer will try just about anything once. To the Aquarius man, life is one big adventure. Anything new excites him, but his interests are often short-lived, as he gets bored easily and is soon ready to move on to another challenge. Unfortunately, this usually has a profound impact on his personal relationships. He might have a huge circle of pals, but he rarely has many close friends, and this often holds true for his love interests, as well.
The Water-bearer typically has a real problem with commitment and doesn’t want to tie himself down with one woman when there are so many others he has yet to meet and experience. Being in love with an Aquarius man can be a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. At first, you may feel sure that you’re the center of his universe, but then he might suddenly lose interest for no apparent reason. He’s also moody – he’ll be perfectly happy with the relationship one day and depressed and gloomy the next. Once an Aquarius man does make the decision to commit, however, he’s steadfast. If you ever fully win his heart, you’ll find that he’s loyal, supportive and completely faithful.

And here are some tips for LADIES who finds themselves with an Aquarius man.

Because of the Water-bearer’s innate creativity, they admire this quality in others and might be found at art galleries, museums or craft shows. Their great compassion for others often gets them involved with various charitable causes, so you’ll likely find Aquarius men leading or participating in such events. These guys have an intense interest in anything mysterious, which provides another clue as to where you might find an Aquarius man.
Attracting a male Water-bearer isn’t usually difficult. They love meeting new people and will most likely see you as a new adventure. The problem will be keeping his attention. He may try to completely analyze you by placing you under his microscope, but don’t let this happen too quickly. Maintain his interest by always keeping him guessing, but be honest with him.
Once you’re in a relationship with an Aquarius male, never allow him to get bored. You’ll have to surprise him once in a while and provide occasional adventures and explorations. Also, allow him his space and his freedom when he needs it. If you don’t, he may feel trapped and will move on to his next potential love adventure.

Mature Minds Talk.